Okay, here’s the latest on the rash taking over my face. I was ready to go down to the hospital yesterday because it had gotten so horrid looking (and I have pictures to prove it that I may show one day), but honestly I was getting scared of what the heck was going on. The on-call doctor told me it sounded like GVHD so he increased my immune suppressant drugs to combat that. He told me to come in first thing this morning to see my doctor. Honestly, I was kind of a psychotic mess yesterday, Googling way too much and letting my head go to awful places. Fortunately I have some very level-headed friends and a very good husband who were able to bring me back down to earth. A special thank you to Michael who reminded me that the worst stories usually come up in google first because they are the ones with the most hits! When I am cured, I am making it my mission to be one of the first stories that comes up when someone googles anything about AML! And I will have links to all of the other success stories before and after me. I’m not going to let all these negative endings take over the internet!!!

Anyways, after all of that, my doctor was not that impressed with my rash today. He said it does look more like GVHD now but he still wanted me to see a dermatologist and have a skin biopsy done to confirm that it is not a drug allergy. We should have the results of that on Thursday and I have now added two more scars to collarbone area along with a boatload of new medications. I am now taking 9, that’s right 9! medications each morning. Three different antibiotics that each target different things, two immune suppressants, a steroid, two vitamins and Zantac to help my stomach absorb all of this toxity. When I get ridiculous jitters and nausea from all of them, I add an Ativan which helps mellow me out a little. Fortunately, the medications for the rash should only be for a short time. My doctor thought we would see significant improvement by Friday. I love that the steroids are helping, but I would love to get off of them ASAP. Oh, and both doctors said this would not leave a scar. It should disappear nicely and just be another fond memory on my journey.

So the really good news in all of this is my doctor was actually pleased to see the rash. I referred to it as a “bump in the road” and he said, no, not really. The unfortunate part is that it is on my face so it’s hurting my ego more than my body. As far as my body, having a mild case of GVHD is a strong indication that I could also be experiencing Graft Vs. Leukemia which is where the donor cells attack any bad cells they see in the marrow. The rash is also an indication that I have a large number of donor cells in there, even though we’re still waiting on that report. My counts were also back on track. White cells and neutrophils are normal, platelets climbed up to 77 and red cells are a little low but steady. They had reduced my immune suppressant when my counts dropped so I was concerned that increasing them again will have the same effect. He didn’t feel that would be the case as we are a couple of weeks out from that point where there are more donor cells to do their work.

That’s the story. I am feeling immensely relieved and much more optimistic now. It has been a rough few days. Chip kindly reminded me in an earlier post that most of my freak outs turn out to be okay in the end. I was finally able to bring myself back to earth about this when I realized that I fought the liver infection for 2-3 months, so a rash was nothing in comparison.

In my sleepless hours in the middle of the night, I’ve been listening to lots of hippie spiritual stuff and my latest download happened to retell one of my favorite stories about faith/survival/trust in ourselves. The summary of which is that when we think about a boat floating on a river of rapids, when we try to go upstream (against the flow) we run into nothing but challenges (we make ourselves work harder and for far less success). However, when we turn the boat around and let ourselves ride with the flow, we learn to navigate around the obstacles that come before us. In other words, I, and all of us, need to “go with the flow.” When we truly believe in what we want for our futures, it will be there for us, but we need to have faith and follow the ride no matter how hard it seems. Ultimately it will get us to the destination we believe in for ourselves. The trick is to really and truly believe that what we want is ours for the taking.

Okay, enough of my preaching for today. I go back on Friday to follow up on everything. I’m hoping this clears up beautifully so I can add some really great before and after pics to the gory details section. Stay tuned!

PS: Check out the video I just added to my inspiration page. Dr. Seuss fan or not, it will make you smile >