The Gory Details
WARNING – Don’t read this page if you are my father, a guy I have ever been attracted to, a friend of my parents who still sees me as a sweet innocent child or a complete stranger.
For the rest of you freaks that love this stuff, the last five days can be summed up with three words: constipation, nausea and rash. After 2 days of laxatives and softeners I finally went to the bathroom for the first time today since Tuesday. I’m so bloated from fluids I hardly noticed the discomfort but am happy to have finally gone because I think it’s just plain gross to go that many days without a poop. I am requesting All Bran from anyone willing to bring it to me. I eat a high fiber diet at home and I think the complete change in diet, the chemo and the slow down in my movement has brought this on.
They give me a lot of stuff for nausea but it’s always lingering there in the background. I’m hoping that once the chemo is done (next Tuesday) some of that will subside or go away completely).
As for the rash, it goes from neck to toes and everything in between. It’s bright red and itches like crazy. I’m using cream on it but they had to give me Benedryl last night so I could sleep since it was so bad. That, too, should go away once the chemo stops. And then, of course, my hair will fall out.
I won’t be getting my period for a while because they gave me a shot of depro (I think) right in my butt. That’s now the sorest part on me.
I’m hot, I’m cold, I am expected to experience early menopause symptoms for 1-2 years following chemo.
What more would you like to know? Oh, everytime I go to the bathroom I have to pee or poop into a pan that sits in the toilet so that they can monitor everything going in and out. When I was on the red chemo, my pee was litterally the color of orange crush. Now it’s back to a nice neon yellow.
Are you guys happy now!?!?!
Oh my God–this is Heather’s wet dream, I’m sure. Even she couldn’t have expected such wonderfully detailed gore. I have to admit, it is pretty great. Kind of interesting…keep it coming, Jess
And Happy pooping. (I can’t imagine what Paul is going to write when he reads this…)
Jess, assuming you are up to it, Heather and will be so excited to see you tomorrow–whether you are purple, green, or orange, whether you have 100# of fluid on you, whether you have green hair or no hair. And if nature calls during our visit, we’ll cheer with you!
OMG Melly, that totally cracked me up! I can just picture you and Heather doing cheers while I try to poop. I’ll be laughing too hard to get anything out! Hey, I think you took Ty tonight – thank you!!!
Sounds just like another day at work for me! Keep it coming. I’m especially excited you pooped! We get sooo excited when patients poop. Sometimes we actually cheer.
See ya “probably” on Tuesday!
I’m so touched that you all care so much about my poop, and that’s before Heather and Holly have even chimed in!
Wait, wait, wait! I’m here! I LOVE the new gory details page. I hope you write something on this page every night! (Robyn, your wet dream comment made me laugh out loud!) As for poop—okay, here’s my story. I have a sluggish bowel and IBS so having a poop only once a week is common place here. I take a stool softener and 3 tbsp of Milk of Magnesia every night that usually only results in a few rabbit pellets the next morning. And, yes, I have a high fiber diet and all that crap. So, not pooping every day is miserable but I’ve been doing it since the early 1990s so people survive. So, if it happens again–don’t worry!
I’m just fine—really. More poop stories when I see you tomorrow. Poor Melly. 
Who knew–this will end up being the best page, huh? Well, I guess Heather did
OK, so I am neither someone you’ve been attracted to (I don’t think at least… hehe) nor a stranger, so I of course checked out this part of the blog as well. I will admit that I am intrigued by these gorey details as well – you’re not alone Heather. Although, I never knew you were so full of crap
LOL I do feel like we are on Oprah with all the poop talk, though I can say most of my days are consumed with poop with 2 in diapers still, so it’s commonplace to me! I do need to mention though, we didn’t hear anything about the color of the poop – why are you depriving us? 
Just teasing of course, but I will add that my 2 yr old’s was a neon green color this morning (which strangely made me think of you and this part of the blog) Apparently his grandparents fed him some crazy junk while they had him out yesterday! Oh, and I thought my 1 yr old was done going this morning, but I got the honor of witnessing the rest of the action after I took off her diaper to change her… So top those gorey poop details people!! XOXO
PS- I wish the circumstances were different for your blog, but I do have to say that it has been fun reconnecting with you all again thru it! Thanks Jess!!!
WOW! Another few days of this and we will never be able to look each other in the eye again… at least not without thinking,”did he/she go poop yet today?” I used to think Heather didn’t like me. Now I know she just hadn’t pooped all week and was in a bad mood. Maybe we can change the name of this page from The Gory Details to True Poop Confessions?? Most of us,at some point, have had some medical situation that caused us to have an uncomfortable bathroom experience. I remember back in November after my surgery, I was in the bathroom in labor for like 4 hours or so. Pushing and praying pushing and praying trying to deliver my precious cargo and then finally…THANK YOU GOD!!! I stood there just looking at it in amazement, like any proud mom would do… I did that… that’s mine… nobody can take that away from me! Then the knock on the door, “Paul are you okay?” I can always count on Robyn to bring my back to reality. I just want you to know Jess, I am right there with ya. And the next time you’re on the toilet pushing and praying, making all kinds of crazy packs with God just to get the poop out, it’s Okay, He won’t hold you to any of it.
Poop well my friends,
Paul
Awesome! Thanks for sharing
. I’d love to come by and visit, bring you some All Bran, and thought you might get a kick out of meeting Eva, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea to bring her into the hospital :-/. At any rate, I’ll be thinking about you every time I poop now. Just kidding!
Jess – Once, during a poker game, one of Brian’s friends sent him a cell phone picture of a dump he had just taken. Brian can tell you who it was. Could you please return the favor to that guy with a photo of one of your especially colorful outputs?
Your blog is incredibly good. Pretty impressive work for someone who is going through chemo.
Chip
I can tell you the nurses on the unit would be doubled over with laughter if they knew all this CRAP was going on! Lmao.
After rereading Heather’s comments and noticing a shortage of rabbits in my neighborhood, I have come to the conclusion that Heather might be shitting in my back yard
Always with love,
Paul
Hilarious!! Reminds me of the esctasy of my first poop after having a baby—-ain’t nothing like it!
Also goes along with the potty talk going on in my house right now. Quote from Brooke yesterday, “What, what, chicken butt!” Who says girls are daintier than boys? Not in my house!
Oh yeah, I can take just about anything… God knows I’ll say just about anything… But if Gigi gets on here with a poop story of her own… I’M DONE!
Once again with love,
Paul
Yes, Paul…I’ve been very tuned in and intrigued with all this crazy funny poop talk. ….LMAO just doesn’t cover it! You are too funny…So here’s MY story……One time, I was eating this…..
I think I have to leave it to the professionals…but cheers for poop!
Chip, it was Jay. You remember him. My old roommate from college. We played cards with him. He was the banker. Now he is the CFO for Kipp Baltimore charter school. And yes, I returned the favor. And yes, he has continued to surprise me randomly with different pictures. That wasn’t even the worst one!
Paul, you’ve brought tears to my eyes. Never knew you were so funny. We should have had more conversations about poop a long time ago.
Happy to see the gory details made it! I think it may be the most entertining page. I had crazy constipation issues while I was pregnant with Vivian- can totally empathize. I’m bringing you some Fiber One Bars with me tomorrow morning!
Poop story from my house, Vivian ate blue corn chips a few days ago and had a giant bright blue poop ( picture whole family standing around th toilet), next day she has the tiniest blue terd and she screams “Mommy the little ones going to be with his Daddy”
OMG, I am LOL. Paul you could do stand up! I have my share of poop stories but I’m the new kid on this block and I don’t want to ruin anyone’s impression of me just yet. Then again, it may already be too late. lol
Go ahead Adele please share. Your stock can only go up with a good poop story. And you’ll feel really good once you get it out of you system…pun intended.
Thanks Brian. Yaa I’m a little funny and I really know my poop! And thanks to Jessica’s blog, in a week or so I’ll know everyone else’s poop too;-)
Oh yeah Brian, you’re a bit of a computer geek, is this blog designed on septic or city sewer?
Stay regular my friends,
Paul
Paul, enough of all this poop talk. Let’s talk menstrual cramps because I’m dying this week.
This reminds me of my husband’s favorite engineering joke …. All these engineers sitting around and arguing that God must be an electrical engineer because the brain sends electrical signals to All the body parts so efficiently, that he must be a mechanical engineer because… yadda, yadda…And then the civil enginner in thie room chimes in and argues that God must have been a civil engineer because only a civil engineee would run a sewer through a playground.
Heather–this should be interesting. I can’t imagine that a change to menstrual cramps will stop Paul from participating…of course, I may not be thrilled with his stories! I was telling Jess today that Paul has asked me to look at a lot of stuff before he’s posted, just to make sure he hasn’t crossed any lines of inappropriateness…so far, I haven’t thought anything was too bad. But I do wonder what that says about me??
Heather, I didn’t start the poop talk, Jessica did. I’m just going along with the subject matter to make her feel good. And anyway, people like to talk about things that make them feel good. And I’m sure YOU know that a good poop can make you feel great!
Now if it’s menstrual issues you want to talk about – I’m IN! First of all what’s with the “menstrual” panties? After all this time someone should have invented the menstrual thong. Is it really that bad of an idea? You know when a man meets his eventual wife she somehow conceals the menstrual panties for like 2 or 3 years… you slip a ring on her finger, PRESTO, the period panties make there way to the top of the laundry basket. There’s nothing that can prepare a man for that:-( Second, and perhaps most important I’ve got to tell you, I can’t trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die!… I should stop now and ask Heather if this is the direction she was hoping for… Well?
Wow Paul, when I turn this blog into a book and make it on Oprah, how am I going to explain you?
Oops! I guess I’ll be meeting Oprah … or you can start hitting the delete button. Either way my feelings won’t be hurt. I hope you are getting a good laugh out of this (me). I won’t be able to show my face around FSMS ever again. Love ya!
Be well,
Paul
I’m definitely getting a good laugh, as are the many other people reading this blog – thank you for that! Love you too
Just for the record, I don’t have any idea what Paul is talking about…that must have been his other wife (and Paul, DON’T CONTRADICT ME ON THIS ONE).
Yes…you know how those comedians always use stories from ‘other’ people they know ; )
Just wanted to add that while I was reading Jess’ post fot the day, I totally read that her Dad… ‘pooped’ in for a visit….and for a second I was like, “Really, Jess is going to post that her Dad took a poop in her room?”…..I had to read it twice before I was sure it said ‘popped’ in for a visit …. yea – this site is making all kind of impressions!!!!
I say we all just start throwing out topics for Paul to comment on- who needs a “joke of the day” when we can enjoy Paul’s reflections on poop, menstruation… how about gas?
The first time I ever literally danced for joy upon seeing poop was when Trevor pooped for the first time after he was born (the doctors were “concerned” that he hadn’t pooped and were making me feed, pump, finger feed, repeat for several days and I was starting to do as all non-knowing new parents do and think my baby would surely die if he didn’t poop soon)- the pure relief and joy upon seeing that nasty black poo…and of course 5 years later I am still examining his poo for signs of health! Once you have become a parent poo looses it’s “gross” factor and becomes incredibly important or wonderfully hilarious so I say keep the stories coming!
I’ve got gas. Who wants to talk gas? And, Paul, once you’ve had a kid or two those period panties stay out a lot more often during the month than what you think. I don’t have time for all that crap anymore. Yes…I did just say crap, folks. Jess, bring on a new topic. I need to run to the restroom.
You know Anya, it is strange how getting YOUR OWN kids poop on your hands as you change a diaper doesn’t bother you much… but someone else’s kids poop…. right back to as if I never had them. Nasty!
But I can tell you, I actually did almost puke from gagging the other day for the first time EVER from touching something gross. Normally, stuff like that doesn’t bother me at all. Just ask Jess. I have had my hands, feet, etc. in some pretty nasty situations without any problems. But a few weeks ago, I was collecting the trash and went over to the diaper pail to pull out the bag and upon opening it, found that no one had put in a bag. So there was just diaper after diaper piled on top of each other. Well, normally no biggy. But upon removing said diapers… making my way to the last one… as I went to grab it my hands dipped into a 1/4 inch deep puddle of urine that had collected on the bottom of this contraption. Well, needless to say… I gagged and almost lost it… seriously. Don’t know why that did it, but it did. The smell and feeling of cold old urine…. makes me shutter just thinking about it.
Not funny, but definitely gross!
Don’t worry Jess, I’m not going to let them drag us down that road. Gas? Do they really want to hear fart stories? I don’t recall you even mentioning that you had gas… I don’t recall you mentioning period panties either,but that’s another story and this is about you and your gory details. Now give me something to work with – like, is your ass itchy?… things like that, you know, something I can sink my teeth into. Not that I want to sink my teeth into your itchy ass or anything… specially if you do have gas!!
Damn it! Sorry Jess, did it again. I think Oprah is getting further and further away. But Jerry Springer might have us!!!
Lots of love,
Paul
Jess says she doesn’t fart. I’ve told her she’s full of it but she insists she does not and never has farted. That has to make her a medical miracle. She should make a bundle from doctors cloning her genes and making pills out of it. This way other women (and some men, but we think farting’s funny) can take pills to not fart and avoid embarassing moments in restaurants and movie theatres.
Don’t worry Jess, Brian and I tear holes in the ozone layer where you lack! -Matt
Hi Jess
I had an idea. I was thinking maybe you can create a section just for me under Categories. You can move all of my post over to this new section, and then it will be easier for you to clean up this blog and turn it into something beautiful. It’s nice to have colorful friends, but after reading this entire blog for the 10th time. I realize that I am just a mess! But it’s all out of love!! So give it some thought. You might also want to give Matt his own section too… one with a password and everything:o)