The last couple of days are beginning to blur together. And yesterday may have been the worst day I’ve had so far – right up there with the liver infection. I’ve been having really bad headaches and nothing has been able to relieve the pain. I opted to go for the Dilaudid again and that helped a little, but of course left me in la-la land. On top of that they decided to give me platelets because my count was at 20,000 in the morning, which is the cutoff point. So they doped me up on IV Benedryl and did the transfusion. I tried to be optimistic about it, but politely warned them that it would most likely drop my count rather than raise it and we might be better off not doing it. Unfortunately, I was right and it dropped my platelets to 14,000.

In the midst of all of this, my headache was becoming a throbbing migraine and I did a couple of doses of Dilaudid. I could not get out of bed. Everytime I moved my head throbbed or the room spun and I couldn’t keep anything down. Even water was making me vomit. Once again we went to the heavy duty nausea medication. It had been several hours since I had gotten sick, so my night nurse decided to try a different pain medication that she thought would bypass some of the nausea side-effects. But as soon as the pill got down my throat, I got sick all over again. All I can say is that nurses are true saints. After holding the bucket for me to puke in, she went and got lotion to rub my feet to try to relax me. She then went and got an IV bag of Dilaudid, which meant that the medicine could be slowly dripped into me, rather than pushed through my IV line. That seemed to do the trick for the night and I am happy to report that I successfully ate a scoop of scrambled eggs, a bowl of corn flakes and a bowl of raisin bran this morning.

The doctors are inclined to think that the one medication is still the culprit for the headaches, but it takes several days of making adjustments and taking bloodwork to figure out just the right level. I’m sure I was also completely dehydrated yesterday so when they finally put me on IV fluids, I think that helped. I also wonder if my mental state the day before – feeling anxious, a little depressed, etc. – contributed to the headaches. In a way I feel like I hit the bottom and now that’s past me and we go up from here.

My poor friends Kelli and Robyn came down yesterday and got to witness all of this. I felt terrible that they made the drive and then had to leave so soon. Around here, you just never know how the day is going to go until it happens.

I hear that they are planning to try platelets again today. My goal is to get out of bed and take a shower! I would love to be able to walk around a little bit too. What I can tell you is that as bad as yesterday was, the one thing that did help was meditation and music. I’ve downloaded some really beautiful, relaxing music (think about what you would hear while you’re getting a massage) and I’ve been using what I’ve learned from the guided imagery CD to help me focus on things other than the pain. It doesn’t always take the pain away completely, but it makes managing it much easier. Our minds are very powerful things.

Well I’m eagerly awaiting the count report for the morning. I’m feeling better than yesterday and I’m watching Mickey’s Clubhouse which reminds me of being at home with the kids in the morning. I feel like it’s going to be a better day, darn it! I’ll write again later with an update.