I am having such a hard time with this internet access! It is making it so hard to talk to the kids over Skype. I keep cutting off or I can’t hear them. I can tell they’re just as frustrated as I am. I know they love me and miss me and it’s only been a week, but I’m already having those feelings I had before about them not caring as much about me being gone if I’m gone for too long. I know it’s ridiculous and I’m just venting out of frustration.

I’m also not feeling 100%, as would be expected. They are cutting down the dose of two of my medications to see if it helps. I have that jittery feeling you get when you drink too much coffee. I think I’m also dealing with some anxiety. And, on top of it all, I’m up 11 pounds in fluid! They finally cut off the fluids this morning so I’m hoping some of that will go away in the next couple of days. It’s not so much a vanity thing, but I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I am so swollen. It’s also uncomfortable and I can feel the difference in my body weight when I’m trying to exercise. It just feels like I have a lot more to move around. And no, I’m not posting any pictures, although several of you have asked to see how I look as a giant marshmallow!

I had a great surprise visit from Kim from Ulman Fund today. She is one of my running partners and helped me get ready for Iron Girl in August. She is also an incredible inspiration to me and I couldn’t be more grateful that Ulman connected us.

Other than that, I am listening to a really fascinating book about the mind-body connection and healing from within. It is written by two well-renowned doctors who have researched at length the way that our cells function and how things like stress can cause changes to them. Interestingly enough, they speak at length about immune cells and how research has shown how similar those cells are to brain cells. They site a number of interesting studies in which guided visualization has been used to help alleviate side effects of chemo therapy, pain, anxiety, etc. They also discuss the vast differences between Eastern and Western medicine and how our system is beginning to incorporate more holistic approaches to care as a compliment to traditional medicine because the evidence is there that it works. Fortunately I have plenty of time to meditate, so I will be doing a lot of that over the next few weeks.

Okay, off to get some rest.