I finished round 5 yesterday – three rounds to go! Although they told me that my body would adjust to the chemo after a few rounds, I feel like the immediate symptoms, those that occur on the days I get chemo, are getting worse. I am physically exhausted after the injections. It feels like someone gave me a couple of Benedryl. I also get that skin-crawling, agitated feeling which leads me to be very short with the kids and have a very low tolerance for much of anything. I suppose that could just be a result of the fatigue as well. But today I feel completely normal again. I wonder if it’s the fact that my body has healed in so many ways that when I do have the medicine pumped into me, I am noticing the side-effects so much more than I would have a couple of months ago? It makes no difference because the most important thing is that I bounce back fairly quickly and get back to my day to day routine.

Although the waiting room game was beyond ridiculous this past week, once I was parked in the chemo chair I was actually relaxed. I am savoring a book that a friend gave me during a hospital visit. It was a gift from a former AML patient who I connected with through this experience and it has taken me all of these months to finally sit down and read it. Now that both of my kids are comfortable in the pool, yesterday I was able to actually sit quietly by the pool and read for most of the afternoon while they played. That was a miracle that did not go unnoticed! Life is good right now and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Now that we are settled into summer, vacation is over and the kids are in camp, I’m finding a lot of time to contemplate my future – and I do not mean medically speaking! I am going with the assumption that I will be here and doing fine, so the questions I am considering are what I want to do with my career and my hobbies and what passions I want to pursue. I will most likely start yoga teacher training in February but I plan to continue working in design and web development while I do that. I’m also considering writing a book based on this blog and thinking about more ways I can get involved with helping young adult cancer patients. I want, more than anything, to be able to give something back to those who have helped me and help those who have this experience ahead of them. The book idea is often on my mind. I love writing and I think I have envisioned writing a book since I was a kid, but the thought of actually doing it seems overwhelming. I’m also not sure that I want to share that much of myself with the world, considering I am an intensely private person. Nor am I sure that the world would care that much to read about it! I don’t mean that as a self-degrading comment, but in all seriousness, when considering how much energy I might put into a project like that, I have to consider the reality of how interesting my experience really is to a larger audience. It also feels self-promoting in a way I’m not comfortable with. I am sharing my story here because I know a lot of you are still reading and curious to know what is happening with me. And also because I want to have a journal of this part of my life for my children to have one day. In writing a book based on all of this, my goal would be to share the ups and downs of this journey with other patients and let them know that cancer doesn’t have to be a horrible omen.

So time will tell. In the meantime, I’m still working on my own Happiness Project with a great group of friends and enjoying as many moments as possible. If you haven’t read the Happiness Project yet, please put it on your summer reading list!