Tomorrow is the day – Day 365 – the one year anniversary of the day this all began. Is anyone still reading this 364 days later?!?!?! I know a few of you are So for those who have trudged along all the good days and bad this past year, an enormous thank you. It’s overwhelming to think of all of the changes that have happened this past year. It’s also strange to have been telling people recently how grateful I am to be where I am today and knowing I could have never gotten here without the challenges I had to go through.

This weekend I went to my family’s vacation place and rode bikes with my 6-year old son riding next to me. I was practically in tears of joy the whole time because a) I was so proud that he was riding his bike so well; b) he was riding through the same trails that I rode as a kid and my mother as a child before me; and c) that I am alive and healthy and riding next to him. I have had many moments like that recently. As I approach this month of anniversaries – first the start of treatment and second my one year in remission – I have been intensely emotional about the fact that I am here today. I went bathing suit shopping today and came home with 5 suits (who needs 5 suits?!?!?!) because I thought to myself, “I WILL NOT be in a hospital bed this summer! I will be home in my pool or at the beach or on vacation with my family. I am free.”

There is a large part of me that still carries that sense of freedom, or escape I should say, from not being in the hospital anymore. My experience at University of Maryland has been nothing but wonderful in so many ways, yet I treasure every moment that I am not in a hospital bed. As this day has been approaching, there is a lingering thought in the back of my mind that someone might kidnap me tomorrow and put me back in the hospital! It’s ridiculous, I know. But that lingering fear also gives me the courage to do as much as I can each day to assure that I don’t miss anything … just in case. That’s a good thing.

So what has changed, besides the obvious, in the past year?

1. I’m a pseudo-vegetarian. Some would call me a “flexitarian” or a “transitioner.” I think it’s best to just say I eat a mostly vegetarian diet with occasional exceptions for fish and bacon.
2. I regularly run 3-6 miles a week which I have never done before in my life.
3. I no longer worry about most things.
4. I know now who is willing to stick by me through thick and thin, hair or no hair. Some of these people I never doubted, others have surprised me.
5. At 35, I have the same haircut as my mother and it kills me that she can’t see it but I know she would love it.
6. While I have changed in many ways, there are some things that will never change, for better or worse.
7. Also at 35 I have faced the greatest fear I’ve ever had – and I’m still alive and kicking. Everything else doesn’t seem so scary anymore.
8. When I stop thinking about things so much and just do them, I never regret it.
9. I will endure anything to be here for my children.
10. I am a cancer warrior.

So, the story doesn’t end here. I plan to continue writing the blog at least until I finish chemo. I’m in a phase now where I’m thinking about what I can do from this point forward to help other people going through this. I have taken a lot of time to focus on me, my health and my happiness. Although I know that’s important to continue doing, I want to pay something forward. I have been blessed to have so many incredible people support me through this and I want to be able to do the same for someone else. I believe I was a given a second chance for a reason and I don’t ever want to forget that.