Well I hate to be redundant but this was another weird day at the hospital. Everything with my blood counts is fine – let’s get that out of the way. My white count is coming back up and around 2.4 now, platelets are up to 113,000. They are planning to start my third round next Monday. I was a little surprised by that considering my white count isn’t very high. It seems a likely scenario for making me neutropenic pretty quickly, but they didn’t seem concerned about that. The white count should be higher on Monday and I think the expectation is that it will continue to come up until it drops again around the second or third week. As usually, we’ll just wait and see. If they’re right and things go smoothly, this would put me on a schedule of treatments every 6 weeks, which means I would finish in a shorter period of time than the 8 week schedule. That would be a wonderful thing!

So onto the weird part … I ended up sitting next to a woman in the waiting room that I see there almost every time I come in. She started up a conversation with me and commented on how she sees me all the time. We ended up sharing our stories for almost 2 hours while we both waited. She is 57 years old and looks perfectly healthy and wonderful for that age (not that I consider that old!). I have actually thought from time to time that she reminds me of my mother. When she was in her 30s, she was diagnosed with near-fatal liver disease and underwent a year of intensive treatment. She was fine after that until this past January when she began having blood issues that ultimately resulted in the diagnosis of an extremely rare form of lymphatic cancer that is not curable. It is the outcome, most likely, of the treatment she went through for the liver disease. Shortly after her diagnosis, her husband, an aerospace engineer and avid cyclist (over 7,000 miles/year on his bike) was hit by a car while riding. He was temporarily paralyzed and lost significant motor control over his hands, shoulder, one of his legs and a portion of his low back. He was hospitalized for 3 months, during which time she delayed treatment to take care of him. He lost his job because he could no longer use his hands and eventually lost insurance. Because of Maryland state laws, they only received $30,000 in payment from the lawsuit from the accident which didn’t even cover the cost of his Shock Trauma visit, nevermind the months of hospitalization and rehabilitation. They have been able to secure some insurance coverage but have had  to cut down to very spare living to pay the medical bills. Both are devout Christians who have been missionaries and cared for several children in-need over their lifetime. As she said, “we paid all of our bills on time, went to church and lived a respectful and giving life. I’m not quite sure what we did to deserve all of this.”

Believe it or not, there is actually more to this story. She was an incredible woman and she asked me lots of questions about my own experience. She kept asking me questions though about my prognosis and how I mentally handle all of it. I felt a little embarrassed to say that I don’t worry about it that much any more. That I want and plan to be here for my children as long as humanly possible and failing at this fight is not an option, so I don’t even consider it. I also hate when people use the word “prognosis” because it sounds as if there must be a timeline placed on me. I envision it like the sands of time running out. Because it has a negative connotation for me, I don’t think about it. And my doctor has never given me a timeline. She said in the very beginning that I had a very good chance of being cured. Although that only means living past 5 years without recurrence in the cancer world, I know that the longer I live, the greater my chances. I also know that I’ve focused on a number of positive stories of people living well over 5 to 10 years following diagnosis. I didn’t called this blog “Super Girl” for nothing! I plan to do whatever I can.

So why was all of this weird to me? Well, I had been listening to a very intense CD on the drive there which essentially said that we should never look at the bad things that happen in our lives and question why God or the Universe – or whatever it is that you believe – did this to us. But rather that these moments are when that spirit is most connected to us, giving us a mystery to unravel to change the course we are moving along. These bad things happen when we are in a dark phase, disconnected from ourselves – they are events to help us reconnect and become stronger. I know that some of you will read this and completely disagree and say it is a bunch of bunk. I am not going to express any sort of opinion about that right now. But the author further discusses that we need to realize that each person, good or bad comes into our life for a reason. I supposed I was thinking about all of that when she was talking to me. I was wondering why it is that I just connected with her. I was also beginning to question my own positive attitude and wonder if it is a form of denial? But then I question what the opposite would be? Acceptance that I am fighting a fatal disease that could kill me? Well yes, but I could also die in a car accident or have something horrible happen to someone I love. This is my journey right now and for now it is making every day far better than it was a year ago. I’m taking as much positive as I can out of this experience and simply hoping that I will be given the opportunity to continue to live for many more years and to transform my own life, the lives of those around me and the lives of people I may connect with in the future as a result of this experience.

Ok, I’m guessing you all need a breather after this post! I’m a little exhausted myself I hope everyone has a great week. Enjoy the warm weather.