I have had a really incredible last few days. Friday was grandparents’ day at the kids’ school and I got to go, along with my dad, so that both kids would have someone. Since I missed the phase-in days with Kieran at the beginning of the year, I was so happy to have the opportunity to see him in his class in action. And when I say “action,” I mean that he spent most of the time on the trampoline, but he did do some work in between. I also got to spend some time in Ty’s class. Both kids were really excited to have us there. It was great.

This weekend was packed with stuff – Ty’s soccer game, a really fun night out for a friend’s birthday including dinner and crazy karaoke, Sunday morning at the pumpkin patch and football at dad’s house. I have filled the next 3 days with stuff too. I am trying to squeeze a lot of things in before I go back to the hospital. I am finally at a point where I am feeling more normal and am trying to savor every single minute before I have to start all over with the chemo and its lingering side effects. I’ve put on 5 pounds, my cardiovascular strength is improving, my hair is finally starting to come back and my skin is returning to normal (your skin goes through all kinds of lovely changes as a result of chemo). I guess when I was still feeling bad from the liver infection the last time around, it felt okay to go in for the next round because I knew something wasn’t right with my body. This time around, I am actually healthy and it’s almost like the very first chemo again when it all seemed so surreal. All of that said, I do feel ready to get started and get it over with. Almost daily now, I go through a mixture of fear, excitement, relief at being close to the end of the treatment and back to some fear again of all the “what ifs.” After all this time, I have learned to ignore most of the what ifs, but they’re still there.

I have also spent so much more quality time with my children in the last 3 weeks that I know it will be harder to leave them this time. As if it hasn’t always been hard enough, they are more understanding of my absence now. Kieran is communicating quite clearly and often asks for me to take him with me when I go places or asks me not to leave at all. Ty, too, understands that I have to go but is much more open about expressing his sadness or disappointment over me missing certain things while I am gone. The next big event we are all hoping I am home for is Halloween.

If I’m not back on here before Thursday, I certainly will be that night. Stay tuned for round 3.