Today was hard. I had nice visits with Melly, Phaedra, Robyn, Kia, my dad, Mike, Peggy and Matt. By the afternoon they were ready to try giving me platelets again, this time with pre-medication to see how I would respond. I should mention that my blood tests yesterday revealed that I carry 10 out of the possible 10 antibodies in my platelets which means that I need to receive  a very specific type of platelet matched to me. This makes it more time consuming to get me platelets because they essentially have to be “special-ordered.” Because my platelet count is down at 8,000 (the key being that it is below 10,000) and now into a critical area, they wanted to try to give me the regular platelets again while waiting for mine to come in. I did okay this time, though I had a mild reaction afterward with some chills and a low fever. Unfortunately we realized mid-way through the transfusion that the line had actually come out of my IV. The nurse didn’t know how it had happened but said it couldn’t have been long because I would have been covered with fluids. Well the end of my bed was and there was no other explanation for it. So how many platelets I actually received is questionable but the boost I got was only 1,000 platelets bringing me up to 9,000 total. When platelet transfusions go well you would expect to see a boost of 5,000-10,000 platelets. In order to have my new picc line put in I need to get my platelets back up to 50,000. Without my picc line I have to have IV lines inserted into my arms almost daily because they close up easily and are only temporary. Inserting them is painful and some people are far gentler about doing it than others. By the end of the day I just broke down from the frustration.

My nurse confirmed that all of the issues with my platelets mean nothing as far as my cancer and treatment for it goes – it simply means that they have to be prepared ahead of time to get the platelets I need. I am eager to have those matching platelets and to see how my body will respond. I’m not going to lie, I’m scared and nervous about my body never accepting platelets and me being doomed for a bone marrow transfusion because I’m never able to get the platelets back up. I know this is unlikely but I’m tired and frustrated and just need this to work to make me feel better.

Brian came for an evening visit and I got over the meltdown. Besides that, I got one of my “good” nurses tonight and they make all the difference. The nurses I love instill confidence in me and I am confident that they are giving me the best care. A less than great nurse can completely transform a day from good to crap. I have such a new respect for my friends that are nurses. I hope they know the significance of the role that they play in a patient’s care. Especially for people who are in the hospital long-term, good nurses can truly make all of the difference as far as a patient’s outlook, optimism and sense of faith.

I got a really cool gift from Phaedra today that Lola (her daughter) insisted I have. It is a tiny box filled with 6 miniature Guatemalan dolls. Here are the instructions:

Each box contains 6 dolls. Guatemalan children are taught that each night, if they take out a doll and tell it their troubles, the trouble or worry will disappear. But they may only have 6 worries each night.

I will be taking a couple of dolls out tonight and hoping they lead to a better day tomorrow. If not, I know this is the week they have been warning me about from the beginning. The week when I’m feeling run down and my body is on the way to bottoming out. It’s the week that the bike chain is breaking and the tires might go flat. Fortunately, day 14 is just 3 days away and after that things should start to climb back up.

Oh, but there was good news today – they finally gave me some Immodium and my stomach is returning to normal. I also have sound on my television, wahoo!

Now if everyone needs a good laugh, check out this BP video on The Funniest Thing … >