It is really hard for me to blog tonight. I am in the bottom of the bottom and I have been running high fevers (103) on and off all day. I finally got my matching platelets but they gave it to me in the midst of one of my fevers and it ended up dropping my count to 3,000 – not good. They have prepped me for platelets again but as we started my fever started to climb and now we are waiting for it to come down because we don’t want to waste another bag and risk dropping to virtually zero.  This is the part where I really have to push myself mentally. I am so happy and relieved that my bone marrow came back clear but physically I can barely get out of bed because I’m so cold. As well, I have had a lot of dizziness because my blood pressure is low and I am dehydrated from the sweats and not being able to eat very much. The good news is that my stomach is feeling a lot better. They are also giving me lots of fluids for the dehydration. If I could just kick the fevers and get my platelets back up, I’ll be in the good shape. The docs keep telling me it will happen in time. Typically this low phase lasts about a week so by next Monday I should start to see some recovery.

I haven’t been taking many phone calls or visitors (but Jim, I REALLY didn’t get any of your calls!). I feel so yucky that I’ve just been laying in bed and sleeping. I’ve tried to do a little yoga and meditation but the physical symptoms are making things difficult.

Like my nurse said, this is the part where I have to bring the Supergirl on. I have to focus on the other side and not get caught up in the things that are happening. All in all, everything is looking very good – they test me daily for all kinds of infections and viruses and everything comes back clear. That is good news.  It will get better and I just have to take care of myself and let that happen.

My triathalon nurse, RoseAnn, ran a half iron-man triathalon over the weekend and wrote a really beautiful piece about how I was part of her inspiration for the race. If you want to read her blog, here’s the link. I was so touched.

My dad brought me scones today and I was able to keep one down – yeah! My cousin Amy, who is truly a sister to me, sent me a great care package with Mad Libs, a Superwoman comic, Pride and Prejudice as a graphic novel, lots of hats and scarves and an inspirational decoration for my room. Amy, I’ll call you as soon as I get a chance tomorrow. I also have to thank Steph for a great pair of slippers and scarves that she brought yesterday.

My temp just came back at 103.7 so I think I’m about to swarmed with ice packs. I won’t lie, this stuff scares the crap out of me but I have to have faith in the doctors and know I will get through this.

1:15 am Update:

This is me with ice packs all over. We finally got my fever down and we’re trying the platelets again. It’s going to work this time! I’m feeling MUCH better.

This is Brian writing for Jess.  She asked me to log in tonight and give you all an update.  While the cancer cells have all been killed off, she is currently fighting an ongoing fever.  Her temperature keeps fluctuating between 100 and 103 degree.  Last I talked to her it was 103.4.  While this seriously concerned both of us, the doctors and nurses reassured us this is not uncommon and they do not consider it a major problem.  They have been giving her Tylenol regularly to control it and have told her that she just needs to rest.  Also, just to be sure they sent her for a CT scan to make sure she did not have pneumonia.   Results were that she does not, which is good of course.

The reason she has asked me to write was that she wanted to rest and stay under her blankets to help control her chills.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better and she will be back on here to write her update herself.   Thanks for all of your prayers, thoughts and well wishes.  Jess already kicked this things ass, she just needs to catch her breath for a few minutes.  Good night.

“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.”
― Robert Louis Stevenson

Yes Chip we will be playing cards soon and you know I was decent before but I might be dangerous now

As far as cards go, this situation is a bad hand with lots of great cards mixed in between. My life, for the most part, has been nothing but good cards and great hands and I am grateful for that.

I’m blogging early because I am so unbelievably excited to tell you all that the doctor just came in and told me that my bone marrow test came back clear – NO MORE CANCER CELLS!!!!!! What happens now is we just wait for my counts to come back up to a normal level and my infection to clear up and then I can go home. Today I was feeling kind of crappy from running fevers due to the stomach infection and slept most of the day. I had to literally drag myself out of bed to go for a walk with my dad and later with my brother. BUT, I feel completely rejuvenated now. I feel like a SuperGirl and I know I can get through this yucky stuff to get myself home in a week or two.

My blood counts have been holding their own pretty well – platelets staying at 20,000 and red blood cells staying high enough that I haven’t needed any transfusions. In the next day or two some of those numbers, along with my white blood cells, should start to climb slowly on their own. Knowing I kicked the cancer so far, I am confident that, at least mentally, I will be able to do what it takes to heal and go home healthy.

In other good news today, they gave me a new PICC line which means no more IV sticks and needle pokes throughout the day. My stomach is also slowly getting better. The pain has been far less than yesterday and I’m sticking to a pretty bland diet of toast, cottage cheese, rice, peanut butter crackers and whatever other starches I can find.

I’m off to rest and watch TV. So happy!!!!

9:52 Update - Anya, Philip and Gigi just came down to surprise me and celebrate – you guys are the best! Thank you.

Today was “Day 14,” the day of the bone marrow biopsy and ironically the day my hair started falling out in clumps. The biopsy went well this morning but I won’t have results for 2-3 days. I’m glad the test is over but it’s hard not to have some anxiety over the results. I know that I’ve stayed focused on a positive outcome for the last two weeks but in the end, I can only do so much. The test now is not about my mental focus but about whether the chemo did what is was supposed to do. My body has responded accordingly to everything so far so I have all reasons to be optimistic. Just to cover my bases, I will be using all 6 of Lola’s Worry Dolls for the next few days

So many of you know that Brian came to shave my head tonight and I know you’re saying, “yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s see the pictures.” To satisfy all of your curiosities, below is the buzz session start to finish.

Getting ready

The last clump I pulled

Me and Bri

Clippers in Hand

Brian almost in tears having to do this

This felt so wierd

Can't believe we're really doing this

Brian tried to do his high school skater look on me

What I'll look like while it's growing out

Interesting look for me

The Mohawk

Almost done

Ta-da!

Fortunately I don't have a cone head

First wig I got, with some work and a little makeup I think this will be ok

There ya go! I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised by the end result and I feel somewhat liberated. Maybe this officially makes me a warrior now. What was kind of neat about today is that I went to a session called “Look Good, Feel Good,” run by the American Cancer Society and they gave everyone a kit filled with makeup and lotion to keep you looking “fabulous” while going through chemo. I know you gals are going to be jealous of this, but it included brand new MAC, Bobbie Brown, Aveda, Cover Girl and MaryKay cosmetics among others. Plus lots of instructions of how to do your makeup when you’re looking a little rough, fun ways to tie scarves and how to keep my wig shiny and new. There are few things that make me more excited than new makeup, clothes and new haircuts so all in all it was a good day.

I’m battling a nasty stomach infection that they are treating with morphine and antibiotics and I’ve been told not to eat anything I would normally eat – no fruit, veggies, wheat bread or fiber. I’m supposed to eat simple sugars only like white bread and other easily digestible items. I had vanilla ice cream for dinner. I know this would be a dream for most people, but I swear that I am going on a total fruit detoxing diet when I get home – a lot of it though since I’ll probably lose 10 pounds by then.

I want to thank everyone that took Ty to the Falls today. He had a blast and told me all about it tonight. I also want to thank Jess for staying so late tonight so that Brian could stay down here with me. You are awesome as always! And to Brian, this is one of those moments we will be laughing about for years to come. These aren’t the types of memories that we planned to make at this point in our life, but they will make the memories of the future that much sweeter.