Things are starting to look up. I’ve made it through 2 nights and now 1 full day with low (99) to no fevers! They’re adjusting my antibiotics so that at some point in the near future I will be able to come home on just an oral medication, rather than a lot of IV fluids. We’re not there yet, but everyone feels we’re moving in the right direction. I even had the “Chief Liver Doctor” (no that’s not his title and I don’t mean to diminish him at all but you get my point) visit me today and explain that his review of my case is consistent with what the other two teams of doctors have been saying and it’s just a matter of giving the medication time to work.

So cruising at a close to normal temp most of the day, I got up and made my trek downstairs and out into the blasting Baltimore heat for a walk. I know, everyone has been telling me how hot it is out there but when you’re cooped up in an 8th floor, air-conditioned room, feeling fresh air of any kind feels good. But needless to say I didn’t stay out very long at all. I came in and did the stairs and then made a modified yoga mat in my room.

The afternoon brought the heavy-duty anti-fungal medication that they think is doing most of the work now. This is also the one that causes the full-body, painful shakes as a side-effect. I’ve been getting those shakes and they immediately come in and give you an IV shot of Demerol to make them stop. Unfortunately, they’ve had to give me larger and larger doses of Demerol each day to manage the shakes. This morning the doctor decided to try me on a new formulation of the same medicine and then they also came up with a pre-medication plan: Benedryl, Adivan (for nausea, anti-anxiety and also helps sleep), and a shot of hydracortizone. Additionally, my amazing nurse Rosann was here today so we hooked everything up, tucking me under the covers, I closed my eyes and Rosann did Reiki on me. A couple of hours later I woke up and had made it through the entire dose without one single shake! Awesome. Progress.

Yesterday, my lovely friend Holly came down and brought a little fiesta for us. Homemade guacamole, salsa and chips and her own homemade, mixed up, virgin-sangrias (including the fruit) and all was delicious. Pics are below:

The Goods

The Gals

My dad’s been doing a good job stocking my fridge here with Wegman’s food so I have to say that I have been eating a lot better over the last few days.

Completely unrelated to anything, there are a few places or moments in my life that I could define as “perfect,” but when I think about the moments that I most enjoy, there is nothing that makes me happier and more at peace than sitting on my back deck at home or in the Poconos and watching the stars – even listening to the sound of the bug zapper is somewhat soothing. When I was home for 2 weeks I did spend a lot time just sitting outside and enjoying that time of the day. I saw this quote today and it just summed up perfectly what I think of summer nights:

“The summer night is like a perfection of thought.”

~ Wallace Stevens

I hope to join many of you in savoring a summer night soon.

Kim sent this to me today and I loved it:

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish He didn’t trust me so much”
- Mother Teresa

I’m not up for posting much tonight. I have had another hard day. My platelets were at 4,000 this morning and they waited all day for “matched platelets” to come in but they didn’t. They received a bag of platelets that they considered “safe” for me and I was very optimistic that I would see a boost from them. The transfusion went well but I had a mild reaction half-way through (bad chills) which a muscle relaxer took care of. Unfortunatley the blood tests showed that these platelets actually dropped my count to 3,000. The matched platelets are en route to arrive tonight and I will receive them as soon as they get here. Again the nurses and doctors are optimistic that these will give me a big boost, but I can’t lie. After 3 failed transfusions I am scared and discouraged. This was supposed to be an easy part of the process. Never did I envision that giving me blood transfusions would cause such problems. With my platelets this low I can’t really leave my room or do anything because I am at such high risk for internal bleeding. The slightest bump could be extremely dangerous to me.

I am trying to remain optimistic. Brian is supposed to bring Ty tomorrow and I would like to have my platelets over 10,000 before he gets here. I also have to have a CT scan done of my stomach to determine why I am having so much pain. I don’t think that is anything to worry about – they just need to identify the issue so they know which medicine to give me. It is most likely just a side effect of the chemo.

I’m doing a lot of meditating and visualization tonight. I’ve been doing that already but I think I have to dig deeper. This is really the hard part. I also know this is  only the second week of a very long road ahead of me and now is not the time to lose faith. It will work out, we just all have to believe that.