The home nurse just came to visit and I told her what my fevers have been running and she suggested I call the doctor. I’m guessing there is a good chance I will going back to the hospital tonight. It’s funny because I’ve spent the day trying to relax, meditate and not worry about anything, but somehow I felt this was coming. In a way I’m eager to get back in there so that they can figure out why I am still running these fevers. I want time to heal and rebuild before the next round of chemo and I certainly can’t do it feeling this way. I’m just not sure what else is wrong with me that these things won’t go away.

Emotionally I am feeling pretty good. I’ve definitely gone through some ups and downs after coming home. I suddenly see myself as different from everyone else. With my new chicken legs, I feel like I stick out like a sore chemo thumb. But, I know that on day 14 there was no cancer in my body and that is the only thing that matters. On Thursday I will have another bone marrow test and we just keep our fingers-crossed for the same results.

Having my children curled up beside me is also amazing medicine. Their laughter and silliness is highly motivational. A hug from Brian also does wonders.

I’ve been reading  a book called “Crazy, Sexy, Cancer” that is providing a lot of inspiration. It shows that women my age have made it through this (and far worse) and made it out just fine on the other side, embracing and living life. If I could just make the fevers go away I will confident that I can beat anything!