I’m …. home!!!!!!!!! We got over 6 million stem cells on my harvest today, a huge boost on my platelets and pulled out the catheter. I came home and got a big hug from Ty and Kieran was too busy bouncing off the walls to stop but he did take me upstairs and show me my new bathroom. It was pretty funny – Kieran, not the bathroom The bathroom looks great. It is a very nice change to come home to.

As you can imagine, it was a pretty amazing day and I honestly can’t believe I’m sitting on my couch without a fever or hooked up to some IV machine. I’m wide awake and feeling good and looking forward to tomorrow, whatever it brings. I’m not going to say much else tonight but I do want to send out a huge thank you to Michael, another leukemia survivor who I have been in contact with for a few months now. He came to visit to me and was so encouraging about my road ahead. I’m learning quickly that although this journey can often feel lonely, there is a world of people out there ready to step side by side with you on the way through it.

I hope to see some of you in person very soon!

So would you believe it if I told you I was still in the hospital? Probably. Yes, it was actually my decision to stay today. They woke me up at 7 am for the neupogen shot and then started the stem cell harvesting around 8:30. It took 5 hours for harvesting! They base the length of time on your height, weight, white cell count and another level of your blood count. I had hoped that my counts would double from yesterday, but unfortunately they only went up by 1,000 meaning my total white count was 13,000 something. Under normal circumstances this is well above normal, but for harvesting purposes I wish it would have been higher. When they harvest, it ends up depleting your white cell and platelet count. My platelets dropped from the 40,000′s into the 20,000′s and my white count was down around 7,000. This number is still fine but I hope they have enough of everything to get the remaining .8 million they need tomorrow. The nurse who was doing the harvesting said that, yes, it could still take 5 hours even though they are going for a much smaller amount of cells.

I hesitate to even state the “plan” for tomorrow because, as we all know at this point, plans don’t seem to apply to me. However, the plan is to do the harvesting and then give me two bags of platelets while waiting to hear how many cells were harvested. Assuming (and boy is that a word that has little meaning right now), they get the remaining cells they need, they will remove my catheter and send me home late afternoon.

Although my tone may sound negative, I don’t intend it to come across that way. As I said, it was my choice to stay because logistically it just made more sense and saved me from sitting downstairs in the clinic all afternoon tomorrow. I’ll be far more comfortable getting a platelet transfusion in my room and not having to wake up at 6:30  am to get here. I’ll also be much happier going home without a catheter in my neck. I’m comfortable with my decision, but as I told Melly today, the idea of being home and hugging my kids all feels like a fantasy right now. I’ll believe it when it happens.

During the harvesting process, a really neat group of people came through called “Spokes for Hope.” They are cyclists – mostly cancer survivors – riding cross country and visiting cancer patients on their way to D.C. to lobby for cancer research funding. They were very inspiring. There was a camera crew with them and I signed a consent form to say it was fine to film me. I didn’t realize until later in the day that they were filming for Fox 45 News! What a lovely scene I was with two IV lines coming straight out of my neck and going into this huge, archaic looking machine. Fortunately, I saw the story on the 5:30 edition and I wasn’t included. I’ll double-check the 10 p.m. news, but I’m guessing they thought I was too scary looking for the broadcast I also signed a banner that will go with them in memory of my mom and in honor of my own fight. Tears, they were a-flowing.

The other little clincher I had today came about in a conversation with my bone marrow coordinator. I was asking about the flu shot and mentioned that my kids got the nasal vaccine. She looked upset and went on to say that there is a protocol that stem cell patients are not allowed to be around people who have had the nasal vaccine for 2-3 weeks following vaccination because it is considered the live virus. Needless to say, I burst into uncontrollable tears thinking that I wouldn’t be able to go home and see my kids until November at that rate. Fortunately, she went and double-checked and that doesn’t apply to people coming off of my treatment. My wonderful nurse Roseann also happened to come in the room at the same time that all of this was going on and reassured me that my immune system is strong right now and it shouldn’t be an issue. The best thing for me to do might be to wear a mask when I am really close to them for the next week. This is fine. I will take a hug with a mask over no hug at all any day.

Between the need to stay motionless, the sudden news about the flu shot and the ultimately very emotional visit from the cyclists, I was like a crazy women with PMS while going through my harvest today. The first two hours were all smiles and the last three I was crying one minute and laughing the next. The poor nurse (a very nice guy) taking care of me, was doing all he could to keep me from crying. Thank you Hecter!

I’m good, I really I am. Laying still gave me too long to think about the infinite possibilities of the challenges ahead. I need to make sure I don’t have that much time to think again. If you read this blog from Day 1 to today, I have probably used the word “hopefully” over 1,000 times. I’ve even looked for synonyms that express the same meaning to reduce my redundancy and haven’t come up with any. In any case, I will repeat myself because hope is the best thing I have to hold onto and HOPE to be home with all my boys tomorrow.

No, I am not home yet, but it’s okay. There was a big delay in getting me in to have the catheter inserted today and that shoved everything back. They were actually planning to start harvesting my stem cells this afternoon but because I didn’t finish with the catheter until 3:30, it was too late to do that. They want to start harvesting at 8 am tomorrow so they kept me overnight in order to give me a 7 am dose of neupogen and then off to harvest. This could all be a good thing because my white counts doubled this morning from yesterday and it wouldn’t be unexpected that the same thing could happen tomorrow, meaning that there is a better chance they will get all the stem cells they need in one day and I wouldn’t have to come back and do it again. The catheter they inserted is also horrible and it should come out as soon as they are finished harvesting. It is just like my PICC line, only larger and hanging out of the side of my neck. Not only is it uncomfortable, but it is hideous looking and I feel like some bizarre version of Frankenstein.  My scarves are coming in handy as a fashionable cover up.

Joel and Steph brought more sushi down tonight and we’re in the middle of watching the Ravens game. I guess it might sound silly at this point to say I will be home tomorrow, but I really believe I will. That will make this trip to the hospital exactly one month long. Crazy.

Things still look good for me to go home tomorrow. All of the doctors who see me daily are in agreement to let me go but they need the final approval from my oncologist. The plan is to do a platelet transfusion around 4 am this morning to bring my counts up over 50,000 so they are high enough to insert the catheter that I need for the stem cell harvesting. I’m not allowed to eat anything after midnight so it’s a good thing I actually ate two dinners tonight and I have a big chunk of leftover cheesecake from Irene visiting last night. This cheesecake might have to hold me over until lunch time or later tomorrow.

Heather came down today and we had a very inspiring conversation. Thank you Heather! My dad also came and brought sushi which Holly and I ate for my late dinner tonight. I also have to send a special thank you to Zach, a friend of Ty’s, whose mom emailed two beautiful drawings that he thought I would like. When Gigi came to visit she also brought drawings that the children in her class had done for me. All I can say is that I am a very lucky girl to be blessed with so much love from so many people.

Let’s hope that my post tomorrow is written from home – and that the Ravens beat the Jets

All of my counts are on the rise. My white blood count reached 4,000 this morning which is the start of the normal range for healthy people. Neutrophils are still coming up and platelets are holding on. I feel really good. Knowing that everything is looking up is making it a lot easier to get through these long days. I was so bored today that I did two walks, yoga, read a magazine cover to cover and planned a month of meals and after-school snacks. At least I’m getting organized.

My two year old almost brought me to tears today when I talked to him on the phone and he said “mommy come home.” Then he asked where I am. I think I would have been balling had it not for the fact that I couldn’t believe how great his sentence structure and communication skills were. I know I’m in a position where I could beg them to go home tomorrow but I also know it makes more sense for me to stay here until Monday. I just can’t wait for hugs and kisses from everybody. I really miss human contact!

Anya’s coming down tonight and I am really looking forward to seeing her. I have to thank Gigi for her awesome visit last night – Brian too. Gigi brought plastic margarita glasses and Sobe drinks named after alcohol so we could pretend to be having a real celebration. It was hilarious and lots of fun. Can’t wait to get out of here, off the antibiotics and out celebrating with the gals and the good stuff!